Jean M. Twenge, a Ph.D. psychologist, researches and writes about adolescent mental health, sleep disorders, digital technology, homework and narcissism. She was interviewed by The 74 about her rules and her belief that stiffer laws are necessary to keep young people off social media until they’re old enough to drive.
Were there any particular data points about smartphones and social media that persuaded you they were causing a mental health crisis?
I would trace it to the big survey data sets that I work with on teens, where there was just this combination all at once of not just rising depression, but teens spending less time with each other in person and less time sleeping. And then realizing, “What might explain all of those things happening at the same time?”
It seemed clear that a good amount of that answer is probably smartphones and social media, particularly after I found a Pew Research Center poll about the ownership of smartphones, that [it] reached 50% in the U.S. at the end of 2012. And that’s right around the same time all these changes were happening.
“No social media until age 16 or later.” Why 16? And what do you say to parents who worry about their kids’ social isolation and FOMO or Fear Of Missing Out?
I have not found that with my kids — that they’ve been socially isolated for not having social media. Most other parents I talked to who have put off social media have also not found that with their kids. Social media is just one mechanism for communicating. There’s so many others. Kids can call each other, they can text each other — they do a lot of texting. They can FaceTime each other, they can get together in person. It’s a really big myth out there that if kids are going to communicate, it has to be on social media. That’s just not true.
You advocate “basic phones” before smartphones. Is that practical for most families?
Yeah, because kids have laptops. And if the family can’t afford to buy them a laptop, almost all schools provide a laptop. So they have Internet access on their laptop even if they don’t have it on their phone. You might not realize you can get a Chromebook for $150. So that’s another big thing: Maybe 10 years ago, if a kid doesn’t have Internet access on their phone, then they don’t have Internet access at all. That’s just not true in the current landscape.
You do have problems with school laptops.
Oh, yes. They get Internet access on the laptop, whether it’s a school laptop or a personal one, and then that opens a whole other can of worms. Laptops are the bane of my existence as a parent, particularly the school laptop, although they’ve gotten a little bit better, at least in my district.
It sounds like your district is being responsive to parental control.
Well, on that issue, they still don’t have a coherent phone policy during the school day. In the high school, it’s especially bad. That’s something I’m hoping will change. It is changing in a lot of schools around the country, thankfully. A lot more schools are doing “no phones during the school day, bell to bell,” which is what needs to happen.
You’ve worked with Jonathan Haidt, who has pushed for schools to get rid of phones. A few critics have said that this is a simple solution to a complex problem, and that it’s not entirely clear that phones are actually causing the mental health issues. How do you respond to that criticism?
Even if you take mental health out of the equation, kids should still not have their phones at school for academic and focus reasons, for the reason of developing social skills by talking to their friends at lunch, for the reason that a bell-to-bell ban is actually easier to enforce than a classroom-by-classroom ban. There are so many reasons for it that don’t even include mental health.
The second question is [about] the research on phones and social media and mental health: We’ve known for quite a while that teens who spend more time on social media are more likely to be depressed or unhappy. Almost every single study finds that. In the last 10 years, studies that ask people to cut back or give up social media for at least three weeks a month or so, almost all of those studies show an improvement in well-being.
You talk about “creating a firewall for kids against anxiety, attention issues and constant insecurity.” How do we craft rules around web dependence and social media?
Parents have to be role models. Parents are also allowed a small amount of what I call “digital hypocrisy.” Because they’re adults, they have jobs, they may be responsible for elderly parents, etc. But that said, parents should think about their own technology use as well. They should get their phones and electronic devices out of their bedroom at night. They should also consider doing things like not having social media on their phone. If they want to use Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, do it on your laptop.
A lot of people might see your real-world freedom rule as contradictory to some of the other rules that talk about adults being “in control.” Can you explain that?
Jon has said this as well — and I completely agree: We have overprotected kids in the real world and underprotected them online, and these principles are just trying to get those two to balance. When you’re talking about the real-world freedom thing, it’s not a matter of letting kids completely run wild and do whatever they want. We’re talking about giving kids some of the freedoms that parents themselves had when they were kids, and to build independence in a way that is really good for kids and good for them as they grow up.
I can’t even remember who said this to me when I had young kids: “You’re not raising children, you’re raising adults.” And that’s just so true. That is your job as a parent. Giving kids some freedom and independence is a really, really key part of raising an adult.
Are there any emerging technologies that parents should be concerned about?
AI chatbots are what a lot of parents are rightly worried about. You could certainly modify or add to the rules and say, “No AI chat bots until 16 or 18 — probably 18.” And of course, it depends on what we’re talking about. It is common for kids to use ChatGPT when they need to look up something for homework or even have it write their essays — that’s a whole other horrible discussion. But what I’m specifically referring to is the many chatbots out there right now that are supposed to be AI friends, or worse, AI boyfriends or girlfriends. There’s already been a tragic case of a child who committed suicide, apparently due to one of these AI girlfriends. It’s just really scary to think of kids having their first romantic relationship with an AI chatbot. It’s terrifying.
The good news is, if you follow that rule about your kids having basic phones, if you give them one of the phones that’s designed for kids, those phones do not allow AI relationship chatbots. Parents have such a tough job, and it’s nice that there are at least a few tools out there that can make their lives easier and keep their kids off of things like AI girlfriend and boyfriend chatbots.
If I could only do two or three of your rules, where would I start?”
I would say, “No electronic devices in the bedroom overnight.” Start there, because the research is so solid on it, and it’s such a straightforward rule, and it works for everybody, of all ages. Your teenager can’t say, “Well, you do it differently,” or, “You get to be on social media.” No, actually, my phone is outside my bedroom when I sleep at night too. So that’s a great place to start. And then, just because they have so much utility, I would probably say the second rule, about basic phones, because even with all of the mess of the laptops, I’m just so happy and grateful that my kids did not have the Internet or social media in their pocket until they were older.
Anything else that you feel needs to be in the mix?
Two things I’ll throw out there just in terms of pushbacks: With “No phones during the school day,” the pushback is often “What about school shootings?” And it’s actually less safe for students to have access to their phones during an active shooter situation.
And then the real-world freedom piece: When you look at the things that I’m suggesting in terms of how to give your kids freedom, obviously letting them go off on their own in the real world is important, and you should do that too. But there are lots of things in that list of suggestions you can do without even leaving the house: teens making their own doctor and hairstylist appointments, for example, or middle-school kids, or even elementary school kids, cooking dinner for the family. Those are great experiences for kids to have without too much parental interference.
You do have to — and I know this by experience — step back, especially with the cooking piece, and let them do it by themselves and learn how to make mistakes. It’s tempting to just be there when they’re doing that, but you learn quickly that if you leave them alone, they’ll figure it out. And then you can go do something else. Go and read that book you’ve been meaning to read for a while. Go for a walk. Watch TV. Have some relaxation time that you wouldn’t otherwise get.
It’s the general idea that not being up in your kids’ business all the time is better for both parents and kids. It’s something we really have to consider more.
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