Kindness and bullying are both contagious: one is free; the other cost us our entire fortune — our beloved son, write Elizabeth and William Reid in an essay in The 74.
Three years ago, we lost our 17-year-old son Jack to bullying. We sent a healthy, happy 16-year-old boy to a new school excited to make friends. He was kind to everyone, a leader, and wanted a life in public service. This made him a target. His reputation was destroyed by lies spread in person and online over the course of a year, beginning with a school election. While he stood up for himself until his final breath, he suffered in plain sight and died by suicide — unnecessarily, avoidably and alone.
After his death, we learned many schools, including our son’s, have no legal obligation to protect your child from bullying. We became advocates for change. No child should have to endure the same cruelty, anguish and pain as Jack did.
The failure to emphasize kindness, respect and character in our schools encourages other behaviors to fill the moral void. An epidemic of bullying pervades classrooms. According to a Pew Research Center study released last year, nearly 60% of teens identify bullying as commonplace in their schools. One in five say it’s extremely common. Among teens it was cited as the second biggest problem affecting students today. Previous studies have found that two in five students reported being bullied on school property; nearly half reported being victims of cyberbullying.
In October, New York Gov. Kathy Hochul signed the Jack Reid Law to combat bullying in schools and extend protections already afforded to public school students to those in the state’s independent schools. The law ensures that when a child comes forward or bullying is witnessed, the school must act promptly: investigate, communicate and respond.
But this epidemic needs a bigger fix than new laws. Bullying is like an insidious disease that grows unchecked in cultures where character and kindness are not cherished. Our schools must teach skills and values for life, not just improve test outcomes. This calls for respect for others and their differences. It means civility; not just reading the student handbook but living it. And it means calling out and addressing behaviors and actions that threaten the school climate for everyone.
Only seven states have protections in place for every child. This is unacceptable. We need to help the remaining four million private and parochial school students at risk. Anti-bullying mandates reaffirm the mission of our schools: teach the whole child. We hope the Jack Reid Law is a wake-up call. Laws are meaningless symbols if not lived. Climate and culture matter. It must start with school leaders and flow through the entire system of the school: from the chemistry teacher to the gym coach and to each child.
The 74
